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Kerrie's Story
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Parents Posted May.7 I hate my mother. I know as a Christian I’m not supposed to feel this way. But I do. This is my biggest struggle right now. My journal entry for September 23rd, right around the time my backsliding began, pretty much says it all. “Before we go any further, I must confess that I hate my mother for leaving. And I hate her for what little I know about her lifestyle. I know as a Christian I’m not supposed to hate anyone. But anyway, there it is. I’m working on it. I’ve already prayed for forgiveness, and I prayed to forgive her too, but the feeling’s still there. I don’t hate my father, but lately we’ve been fighting a lot. He can be such a jerk.” My journal August 31st went like: “My mother left home when I was six, and I haven’t seen her since. I hardly remember her face now. A couple years ago, when I asked my father why she left, he was like ‘Your mother wanted something else.’ I still don’t know what he meant by that ‘cuz he never explains anything.” “Yesterday I asked Jackie what he meant by it. Jackie said she’s living in Minnesota with another man, though they’re not married. She was like ‘You should pray for your mother.’ I asked her whose fault it was. Was it ‘cuz of me? She was like ‘No way. You’re a total sweetheart. It was a little of each of their faults.’ Then she said something that really hit me, so I went and wrote it down. ‘Sometimes we start out with the best of intentions, but selfishness, immaturity, and unforgiveness take a toll until the person we once loved has become the enemy.’ So true.” I think what helps me the most with forgiveness is the fact that Jesus died to forgive me. He was constantly dissed, and he could have called for fire to come from heaven and burn My youth pastor said it starts with asking God to forgive me for my mistakes (which I did), then telling her I forgive her (which I’ll do if she ever calls again). Then realize over time my feelings will take care of themselves with God’s help. With my father it’s a different story entirely. He pushes me ‘cuz he thinks I’m smart enough to go to any college, even Harvard. I tell him I’m not that smart and I don’t want to go to Harvard anyway, but he doesn’t listen. So he gets t.o.’d at everything that’s not an A. So when everything went crazy last fall and my grades were like C’s and D’s and F’s, he totally freaked on me. I know he wants the best for me, but he seriously needs to back off a little. The one thing about parents is they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be 16 and have so many problems. All they care about is getting good grades and how many activities I can do and awards I can win to make them proud. When I messed up, I lost his trust, and right now I’m trying to get it back. I don’t know.
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